Homesick

The last few days have been kind of crappy.


What I'm trying really hard to figure out is - am I missing home that badly or just feeling really lonely? Have I idealized what we've left behind because in comparison this is so not what i would consider an ideal living environment?

We've been in Tennessee for about 5 months now. Besides my husband, I’ve got one friendship brewing. I realize that patience is not one of my strong points, but come on! I'm really trying here! I realize it took 20 something years to cultivate the relationships that I had in St. Louis, and I’m realistic in my expectations of where my relationships would be in 5 months. But being the optimistic, extrovert that I am I didn't think it was going to be this difficult to even start friendships. I mean geez, everywhere else I’ve lived, people liked me...


And I’m certainly not one of those women who has to be around someone 24 hrs a day, but an occasional in-person conversation about something real would be nice. The last thing that I want to do is suck my friend dry and run her off scared. I need to find some other avenues to pursue.

My biggest fear is that I’m not meeting people that I want to develop relationships with!


The problem is I don't feel like I have anything in common with the people that I’m meeting. I'm not exaggerating or being overly dramatic when I say that I feel like I’m on another planet. They eat differently, talk differently, dress differently, worship differently - I feel like a first year French student. I'm still thinking in English (or in my case Yankee) and having to constantly translate what is put in front of me. And quite frankly, that hurts my game - it's difficult to be quick witted when you're conjugating in your head.

Everything and everyone here is just so peculiar. I really wasn't prepared. Geographically, we're not that far from where we left. These drastic differences don't make sense to me. And not only am I not sure how to fit in, I’m beginning to wonder if I even want to.