SEC, baby

I have this big comfy, red sweat shirt that I totally love. It is perfect. I've owned it for years and it is definitely a favorite of mine. It just so happens that is says "Alabama" on the front. Sometimes I forget that down here that means something. Check that, it means everything. We're in sec country and college football is no joke. Around these parts, my perfectly broken in sweatshirt is so much more than go-to slouchy wear. Around here, it's a political statement.

How do I know this? Because I wore it into the baaa-lo several weeks ago and it almost brought an end to my days. As I was walking down the cookie aisle minding my own business I was approached by a woman who appeared to be in her right mind. As soon as she opened her mouth, I realized appearances can be deceiving.

"You’re going down today!" she screamed and pointed at me with contempt in her eyes.

I had no idea what the heck she was talking about. I was just looking for the double stuf Oreos! Did my search for the ultimate sandwich cookie earn me that sort of over-the-top contempt? Had I cut her off in the produce aisle? What the hell?? Then I looked down and realized I was making a statement without saying a word! I was terrified. This chick was not messing around. It seemed inevitable... My favorite sweatshirt was going to get my butt kicked.

I quickly explained that I had no allegiance to Alabama whatsoever. If she wanted them to go down... I couldn't agree more. In fact, at that moment in time I was ready to declare my lifelong commitment to her team of choice. I assured her that I would bleed orange, or blue or whatever. Whatever would keep my face and her fist far, far apart.

She smiled, as I stammered. But the look in her eye told me she wasn't buying it.

Definitely A Foreign Land.