Still in Bed...

I am on my second straight day at home, in bed, sick. I've spoken with my physician's nurse who wants me to come into the office. I may as well give her a shot at diagnosing me. I figure, what the heck. But actually, I've watched enough House to know what's going on here. This time, I don't even need Web MD to figure out what ails me. Clearly, during our white water rafting trip last weekend, I ingested some sort of rare and bizarre bacteria during one of the MANY times I was blasted in the face with Ocoee River water. The bacteria has taken up residence and is slowly destroying my body, one organ at a time.

Well, it's either that or I've got the flu.

At this point, as long as I'm horizontal, there are fewer problems. It's when I stand up that the dizziness, nausea and all over body aches intensify. I hurt from my shoulders to my hip bones and not in that cool, I-just-took-an-intense-Pilates-class sort of way. It's more like my internal organs have joined forces to form a league of specially trained agents hell bent on taking me out. My insides are in full on mutiny mode and they've informed me that they intend to throb and whine until I give them what they want. So, here I lay, taken hostage by my insides.

And I'm so freakin' tired. Which is weird because I haven't really done ANYTHING for the last 48 hours. I've not been sleeping great the past couple of nights because of the tossing and turning, but I wasn't wide awake all last night. At least not wide awake enough to feel like I've gone head first into a brick wall at 45 miles per hour... which if you've been paying attention is clearly how I'm feeling.

During my appointment, I intend to share my diagnosis with the doctor. Surely he'll thank me for the many hours I've devoted to television watching. The lessons I've learned from Gregory House obviously trump any medical training in which he may have invested. No point in him wasting too much of his time on me when I've clearly already done all the heavy lifting. He'll just need to prescribe the antibiotic to kill the aforementioned bacteria and then focus on his other patients who haven't been utilizing network television to save lives.

Really though, whatever this crap is, I need it to hit the road with a quickness. We've got a trip planned this weekend and I'm not missing the first vacation we've taken since our honeymoon because of some stupid yuck.

Are you hearing me, bizarre bacteria? Find some other body to torture, please. You've stolen enough of my week. You may not have my weekend too.

If you love the piece of art above as much as I do, you can learn more about the artist Laura Laine, here.