This week's silence has been a calculated exercise in discipline and restraint. Between the devilish hormones rocking my world and this world class frustration cluttering up my life, I've had a heavy week. I've spent the past couple days biting my tongue, sitting on my hands and avoiding my natural inclination to sling mud... when all I really want to do is scream!!!!
It has not been easy. But I can't claim the discipline and restraint for my own.
Since I've become a Christian, I've been told that the hard stuff in life can be done through God's strength. And it's a truth I've always accepted, but when I've tried to figure out how that works practically, I couldn't get my mind around it. Like, even though I have to do something... using my brain, my body, my effort... that something isn't supposed to be done in my strength. It didn't make sense. I mean, it still doesn't. Except this week I've experienced that very something that still doesn't make sense to me. I accomplished something that for me is truly impossible.
Episode 30: "Today I am thankful for...divine strength."
Honestly, there is just no stinking way in my own strength I could have kept my big mouth shut these past few days. Left to my own devises, I'd be blogging and facebooking and spreading the word about the crap I've been walking in all week. I wish I was a better person, but the truth is, others' hurt feelings wouldn't have been incentive enough to keep my mouth shut. Sounding like a jerk, would not have been enough to keep my facebook status clear. Knowing my silence was the right way to handle the situation would not have been enough to keep my fingers from firing off a venomous post. But I haven't blabbed. My lips have been (sorta) sealed. My blog has been quiet.
Not. My. Strength.
Totally amazing. And don't think I understand how it happened. I still can't explain how "practically" you're supposed to do something "not in your own strength." Like everything else with God it's mysterious, awe inspiring, and something that can't be put into a tidy formula.
This Christianity stuff just keeps blowing my mind.
So today, I am thankful.
2 comments:
I was catching up on your blog...admittedly I do not blog hop much anymore not that I can be a voyeur on Facebook instead:)
Anyway, I came across a quote I think you will appreciate that is somewhat applicable to your post.
"If God was small enough to understand, He wouldn't be big enough to worship."
So, there are some things we just won't understand this side of heaven, but I encourage you the more you trust Him to strengthen you, the more He will and then it will become (somewhat) second nature...but definitely habit forming and empowering!
Thanks for your transparency! Hope you and yours are well!
I think this post is so neat! I have more I could say, but God is using to teach me through your blog!
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