We had a meeting with the group fitness director yesterday at the Y. Recently I got a job teaching Hard CORE Dance and the Fall class schedule is about to be announced. Before it was finalized, the director wanted to discuss our availability and what the Y had to offer. There was a bunch of anticipation and a teeny bit of anxiety growing inside me concerning if/when/how many additional classes we would be offered.
I experienced one part of my brain pushing for more, more, MORE classes. I heard, “As many as they'll allow, snatch them up and fill your calendar.” I equated more classes with more income (which IS true) and also more praise from those in authority over me (which is probably ALL in my head). My brain chanted, "More is better, Molly." And that is a tempting argument to believe because it is a partially valid point. Plus, that advice lines up with my typical M.O. I jump into things with both feet and once I'm in up to my neck I figure out how to navigate and negotiate the situation. "More, more, more is better." The message played over and over in my head.
However, there was this other part of my brain preaching a different message. This part was coaxing me to slow down. It was trying to convince me to accept additional classes at a slower pace. This part of my brain was sending messages that don't really mesh with my personality. "Take it easy, get comfortable and situated in what you've been given before adding more to the agenda," it cautioned. The fact that I even gave this suggestion any consideration surprised me. “Moderation” and “caution” and “slow” aren’t usually visible on my radar.
The mixed messages sent me into yesterday's meeting conflicted. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to hear from the director.
Episode 57: “Today I am thankful… to be under authority.”
The director offered us two additional classes. That brings us to a total of three per week and makes for a very manageable schedule. She also hinted at the possibility of additional classes at another location in the near future. It was a great compromise and satisfied both warring factions in my brain. There were additional classes with the hint of others in the future for Mrs. MORE and only two additional classes immediately for Mrs. WHEN DID I BECOME CAUTIOUS.
Having someone else make that decision for me and actually place that boundary in my life was such a huge gift! Left to my own devices I probably would have overloaded myself letting Mrs. MORE win the fight. Chances are that choice would have eventually led to stress and burnout. But, this time I wasn’t in control. My authority figure carried the burden of the decision and delivered the news that I was happy to accept.
This might be the first time in my life that I’ve felt that a boundary set upon me by an authority figure is for my benefit. Please don’t misunderstand. OFTEN throughout my life authority figures have set boundaries for MY GOOD. I’ve just always experienced those boundaries as nooses around my neck instead of gifts to appreciate. Today I'm experiencing gratitude for the change in my perspective not a change in my reality. I think this might be kind of huge. Trusting those placed in authority over me is one hell of a little bit of a paradigm shift. Who knows, this just might lead to radical growth.
So today, I am thankful.
